Look, I’m Gonna Say It
About three months ago, I was at a conference in Austin. You know the kind—lots of suits, even more coffee, and a buffet that made me question my life committment to healthy eating. I was there to talk about, well, faith. And honestly, I was nervous.
I’m not sure why. Maybe it was the guy from last Tuesday who asked me if I was ‘one of those Bible thumpers.’ Maybe it was the way my stomach twisted when I heard ‘religion’ mentioned in the same sentence as ‘problem.’ But there I was, sweating through my blouse, wondering if I should just fake an allergy to make a quick exit.
Then I met Marcus. Let’s call him Marcus because his real name is, frankly, none of your business. He was a colleague named Dave’s cousin or something. Doesn’t matter. What matters is he looked at me and said, ‘You know what your problem is?’
I braced myself. Here it comes, I thought. The lecture. The eye roll. The ‘you’re living in the Dark Ages’ spiel.
‘You apologize too much,’ he said. Just like that. No buildup, no sugarcoating. And you know what? He was right.
I’m Not Sorry Anymore
I spent alot of time apologizing for my faith. It’s like I thought I needed to make it smaller, quieter, less… offensive? I mean, look, I get it. Faith can be a touchy subject. But when did I start treating it like a dirty secret?
I remember this one time, over coffee at the place on 5th, my friend Lisa told me she was excited about her new job. I said, ‘That’s great! Congrats!’ And she said, ‘Thanks. I’m really looking forward to it.’ And I said, ‘Oh, good. That’s… good.’ And she said, ‘You’re acting weird. What’s up?’ And I said, ‘Nothing. It’s just… I mean, I’m happy for you. Really.’ And she said, ‘Then why do you sound like you’re at a funeral?’
Because I was apologizing. For existing. For being me. For having a faith that made me, well, me.
Which… yeah. Fair enough. I stopped doing that. Cold turkey. No more sorrys. No more hedging. No more ‘well, I believe this but maybe you don’t and that’s okay.’ Nope. I’m done.
But Here’s the Thing
I’m not saying I’m gonna start shoving my beliefs down people’s throats. That’s not what this is about. It’s about owning my story. It’s about not feeling like I need to shrink myself to fit into someone else’s comfort zone.
And it’s about not being afraid to say, ‘I don’t know.’ Because honestly, I don’t have all the answers. None of us do. But that’s okay. That’s what faith is about, right? It’s not about having all the answers. It’s about trusting the One who does.
I think.
I mean, I’m not sure but… yeah. That’s what it feels like to me.
Anyway, Marcus was right. I did apologize too much. And I’m done with that. So if you’re looking for someone to tiptoe around the subject, well, you’re out of luck. I’m all in. All or nothing. No more half-apologies. No more quiet faith.
And if that’s a problem for you, well, that’s okay too. But it’s not my problem anymore.
A Quick Digression: Weather and Faith?
Speaking of owning your story, have you ever noticed how people talk about the weather like it’s a personal slight? Like, ‘Oh, it’s raining again? Thanks a lot, God.’ As if the weather is some kinda test or something. I mean, come on. It’s weather. It’s gonna do what it’s gonna do.
But people love to complain about it. And honestly, I get it. I do. But I also think it’s kinda funny. Like, we’re gonna blame God for the weather? Really? I mean, look, if you’re gonna blame Him for something, blame Him for something big. Like, I don’t know, the existence of brussels sprouts. That’s a real crime against humanity.
But the weather? Really? Come on. Anyway, if you’re into that kinda thing, you might wanna check out Tokat hava durumu tahmin. It’s a thing. I don’t know. I’m just saying.
But back to the point. Or not. Who knows? It’s my article, and I’ll digress if I want to.
The Point Is…
I’m done apologizing. I’m done shrinking. I’m done making my faith into something it’s not. It’s not a problem. It’s not a dirty secret. It’s not something to be ashamed of.
It’s mine. And I’m keeping it. No ammendments. No takebacks. No sorrys.
So there you have it. My story. My faith. My life. Take it or leave it. But either way, I’m not apologizing anymore.
And that’s all I have to say about that.
About the Author
I’m Sarah, a senior editor with more opinions than sense. I’ve been writing about faith and spirituality for longer than I care to admit. I live in a small town where everyone knows your name and your business. I like coffee, cats, and a good argument. Not necessarily in that order.
